Who is this for and why am I doing this?

I am 7 years out from the decision to divorce my porn-addicted spouse. It was the best decision I ever made and I haven’t looked back for even a second, but it was an incredibly hard road to travel and it felt like there were no resources for someone like me at the time. I doesn’t seem much better now.

I have thought many times about creating a safe place for people who are leaving porn-addict spouses to talk and help each other get through this difficult time. There are plenty of resources out there for partners who want to stay and try to save their marriages. If that is what you are looking for, then I say, please go to one of those places. There are few places I can find where people can speak frankly about the process of leaving with others who will really understand. I hope this blog will become just that.

The title of the blog is not intended to instruct you what to do, but I wanted to try and make it findable for those in this situation. Each person has to make their own decision and although it has been right for me, I don’t pretend to tell you what is right for you. I am female, but I think it’s entirely possible that we will see men leaving porn-addicted wives and partners too. This is a place for anyone feeling that hurt and trying to make sense of it.

If you use porn and it has been great for your marriage, good for you I guess. I wonder why you are here? If you want to defend porn, I’d say you don’t need to waste your time. Clearly there is a lot of support for porn in the world and if a community forms here as I hope, you probably won’t be able to convince us that it’s so great. It hasn’t been great for us at all.

People who come here and comment and troll will not be welcome and comments will be removed. I want to state again that this should be a place for you to tell your story as the survivor of one of these relationships and find support and healing.

I am not a therapist, but I have extensive real life experience with this issue and have done considerable reading on it since my divorce. There isn’t a lot out there for us and what there is is mostly theoretical. I also continue to deal with the damaged individual my spouse either has always been or has turned himself into. We can also talk strategy for dealing with those situations that arrive in dealing with your ex post-divorce.

Please comment and share anonymously here if you’d like. I will try to respond and with time, I hope others will too.